Documenting the NIU Experience to the COVID-19 Pandemic

Doodling For Sanity

Item

Title

Doodling For Sanity

Description

Stories always start boring and predictable, much like my desire to graduate my degree and go on to graduate school. Despite knowing what I like to learn about, I'm still indecisive about my future. I like brains. I find them fascinating! My own brain though creates its own story through PTSD, anxiety, depression, and ADD.

Here are my doodles from before the COVID-19 interruption, and July 2020. I argue with myself on and off about whether or not to change up some things, but just like recalling a memory - each time you remember it, it changes with your thoughts of now.

This time turned me into a frightening disaster. I thought I knew what struggling with issues was. That thought proved me wrong. I've had plenty of panic attacks before this started. I took an acting class in hopes of bettering myself. It turns out life has more planned than we ever do. Covid-19 sent me into a panic attack at first nearly every day. After a tele-appointment with my doctor and a medication change, I found out internal panic attacks existed. Living felt like a struggle because I had no control over anything it had seemed. During this pandemic, I had hoped bleaching my hair would make it fall out, then I could control something. It didn't work (thankfully), but I wanted to be able to have some semblance of me and my choices. I thought shopping was an answer. Turns out even food shopping isn't necessarily meaning you have control. It's a baby step, but this too will have its pitfalls in that spending money is another issue. There was always some issue with what I would do. Trying to strike a balance for myself wasn't easy, and the more I tried, the harder I felt like I was fighting myself. During this time I'm grateful for my counselor and her patience with me. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing without her support and guidance during this time of fear.

Life is still messy, but lately control has been slowly taken back. Learning is continuous, not fixed.

Contributor is Creator

Yes

Affiliation

Student

Posting Consent

yes

Year in School

Senior

Major

Psychology

Graduation Date

2020

Creator

Anna Slayton

Date Created

July 22, 2020

Contributor

Anna Slayton

Item sets

COVID Pandemic Story and Media Submissions

This item was submitted on July 22, 2020 by Anna Slayton using the form “Submit Your Story” on the site “Documenting the NIU Experience to the COVID-19 Pandemic”: https://digitalexhibits.lib.niu.edu/s/covid-pandemic